Save me from Fading
by not of this NET
Summary: I think I'm in love with my brother. It sounds so wrong and it might be, but please listen to what I have to say... AKUROKU; side pair ZEMYX and SORIKU
1. Flickering Sparks

**Summary**: I think I'm in love with my brother. It sounds so wrong and it might be, but please listen to what I have to say. AKUROKU; side pair ZEMYX

* * *

Before you go on to say how incest isn't right... here's the thing, I'm NOT blood-related to my brother. I'm adopted. But that doesn't make things okay either. He's a guy, I'm a guy. Not right, right? That's what society says, but screw society for a minute. You can't help who you fall in love with right? You can't just pick a random person and just be like, 'I'm gonna love you', right? Ah, shit. Too much crazy stuff.

"Axel! Hey!" My brother that I love too much jumped me from behind, making my thoughts scrambled. There goes me and my short attention span.

"Rox!" I brushed his blond hair with my hand and then gave him a noogie. Roxas started giggling and took hold of my arms.

"Stop it!" He smiled which always made me blush inwardly. I can't show him that I love him like that. It's sick. Right? Agh, I dunno!

"Whatcha cookin?" I asked casually and gave him a flick on his nose.

"It's a surprise!" He held his nose and went out of my arms reach. "You know what, Axel?" He asked randomly. I think he has A.D.D.

"What?" I exaggerated a bit.

"I love your red hair. It reminds me of flames." He leaned in to touch it but I wrapped my arms around his skinny waist. I never wanted to let go, having fear that I won't be able to do this again. I might lose my self-control soon.

"Ahh! Okay, okay, let go already. I can't breathe!" Roxas whined. I held him closer to me, if that were possible and snuggled into his belly. I felt him pushing me off, so I finally backed off. He stuck out his tongue and walked back to the kitchen.

You probably think we're weird. We're not like most brothers. We're close, maybe TOO close. Oh gawd, I love him so much. My heart is about to explode from all this madness. We weren't always like this, if you can imagine that. You see, I was adopted into the Fair family when I was thirteen. Roxas was only eight at the time and it was near Christmas time. Cloud, my adopted father, told me that Roxas wanted an older brother to play with for Christmas. I couldn't complain because in all truth, I wanted a family too. Being in the orphanage isn't very fun...

"I'm making spaghetti, dummy." Roxas peeked his cutesy head from the kitchen door. "I know how much you love Italian food. I'm making it Roxas-style." A smile crawled on my face and I couldn't help but smirk. He thought about me.

"Okay then. It better be good." I gave him a pat on the back as I walked past him to go into the bathroom.

Now I'm 23 and Roxas had just turned 18 about a month ago. No no, I'm not still living with my parents. I moved out a few weeks after my adopted mother, Aerith had died. Cloud is still living his life and Roxas is taking care of him. Well, Cloud isn't all that old to the point where he needs help to the bathroom or anything. He hasn't been so jolly since. It's like he's just existing and not really living. They say that when one love bird leaves, the other goes too. I hope he's doing okay. I'm here for a visit because it's almost Thanksgiving and families gather for that, right?

I kept splashing lukewarm water in my face. My thoughts floated back together again. I wanted to clear out my feelings and all. I didn't want to like Roxas like that. It just happened, you know? Of course it's weird. But when has that stopped anyone? I can't help it! I wish there was an easier way for me to figure this all out. Maybe I should keep my distance away from him but he'll know something's wrong. I know he will. I'll just have to try harder. I'll have to push myself away. If that doesn't work, I don't know what to do.

"What's taking you so long?" Roxas pounded on the door. "Are you taking a number two?" I heard him giggling behind the door and I just rolled my eyes. For being 18, he sure is immature.

"Wouldn't YOU like to know?" I replied and I think I heard him pout.

"Don't stink it up, big butt." I ignored that comment, because I do NOT have a big butt.

* * *

"Hey dad!" I wrapped my arms around his neck, even though I was taller then him. "How have you been? Doing okay?" He returned the hug and laughed weakly.

"I'm doing okay. Rox has been doing a lot of the housework around here so it leaves me with a lot of time to just work and relax." His blue orbs, which Roxas inherited, locked with my eyes. "You sure grew tall, but you're still as skinny as ever." He stated, staring at my whole body.

"Haha, I've been eating well. Trust me." I lied. Honestly, I'm pretty poor but I can manage. I'm not that picky with food. I live off instant noodles and sea salt ice cream. But no one needs to know that. "Don't over work yourself, pops." I laughed, patting him on his back. We walked into the kitchen where Roxas wore Aerith's apron while cooking. I started to chuckle as Roxas blushed profusely and yanked it off.

"Dad told me to wear it!" He exclaimed, turning all the different shades of red you wouldn't see in a rainbow. I had to cover my mouth before I spat anywhere. My stomach was starting to hurt!

"Is...that so?" I attempted NOT to laugh. Oddly, the frilly apron matched him. Mmm, Roxas in a dress--HOLY CRAP! What am I thinking!?! Axel! HAVE SELF-CONTROL! I started to cough and gag from the spit in my mouth. That is so wrong.

Cloud just sat down before the table and let out a small smile. "Roxas, don't go accusing people." I'm sure Cloud did tell him to put it on, but hey, parents love to embarrass their kids right? I started to help Roxas set up the table. Mm-hmm, that spaghetti did look and smell nice. Sweet basil with fresh tomato sauce. Heck, I'm not a commercial or anything. We all sat down and began eating.

"So what have you been doing for the past two years, Axel?" Cloud asked. It's been a long time since I had a decent conversation with them. I'd come and go whenever I had time, but never really stayed for a long time.

"Uhm," I was pondering about what I HAD been doing. I have bad memory, so I had to think about it. "I'm a freelance photographer AND--!" I held up my right hand with my index finger up. "I'm a manager of a singer. Well, manager-friend type thing. I really don't manage much..." Now that I think about it, I really didn't manage anything for the singer, who is also my best friend Demyx. Now if you expect me to talk about Demyx for awhile, don't. I'm not gonna bother with him yet.

"Oh? Who?" Roxas interrupted. He leaned a little closer to me.

"Demyx." Like I said, I didn't want to talk about Demyx. Not that he's a horrible person or anything. We're best friends. He's practically the opposite of me.

"Who's he?" Maybe he was irritated because he didn't really know my friends, but I knew most of his.

"My... friend?" I was unsure if he wanted more information or not. He seemed rather agitated. I didn't want to push it.

"You never talked about him before." Obviously it was bothering him, so why couldn't he just say it?

"Is something bothering you Rox?" I asked. He probably didn't notice that he was glaring at me until I said that. His glare suddenly disappeared and he looked innocent. "Plus, he's just a friend."

"Huh? Oh." His eyes shifted to his plate of spaghetti. Cloud started to laugh. "N--No! Nothing's bothering me."

"Axel, don't be too hard on your brother. He just wants to be part of your life again." That's the problem. HE IS MY LIFE. Even though we haven't seen each other a lot, we practically call each other every night. Seriously.

"Dad." I swallowed my food before speaking. "You guys have never left my life. You can't try to be a part of my life AGAIN when you never left it." I tried to make my point clear that I still think about them everyday. I still love them. Cloud's smile was somehow brighter than before. Roxas had a tint of pink over his cheeks and I chortled.

Awkward silence filled the empty spaces in the kitchen. We all just sat and ate our spaghetti peacefully. Was it always this quiet?

* * *

"You're sleeping over right?" Roxas tilted his head. The question he should really ask is should you be sleeping over BUT he doesn't know I have love issues. I was actually planning on calling Demyx. Demyx knows too much for his own good and he's a blabber mouth, but if it's a secret, it's a secret. He won't break your trust. That's what I like about Demyx.

"Uh," I glanced at Roxas and what do you know, he was putting on the puppy face act again. That, my dear friends, was four years ago. Geez. He never really grew up. I then looked at Cloud, who nodded at me to stay. I can't say no to my father's request. "Okay. Sure, why not?" I exhaled.

"Great! You'll be rooming with me, right?" His eyes lit up with excitement and mentally, my mouth dropped. I was hoping to stay in the living room or something... We're brothers though. Rooming with your brother is perfectly normal.

"... Right." My heart started thumping hard against my chest. Oh gawd. OH. GAWD. This is SO SO wrong. Why can't I just think of him like a brother. That's it. He's just my brother. Axel, your hormones are just screwed over. You're late in your puber-- oh hell no. I'm not saying that. ANYWAY, I totally like girls. I don't like guys. I just love Roxas. He's the only one that makes me want to barf out rainbows with happiness molecules. That sounded lame but you know what I mean. Love isn't easy to explain. I'm sure you get that. Everyone has been in love before. I think.

"--and then Sora fell into the water! I was laughing hysterically!" I didn't notice Roxas talking until he was moving my carry-on bag into his room. "Don't you think that was funny?" He asked and noticed that I wasn't laughing with him. I was too deep in thought. I also didn't notice that I was walking with him to his room. Whoa, that's freaky!

"HAHA!! FUNNY!" I shouted a little too sudden. It was too obvious that I wasn't paying attention. Damn.

"Right. You weren't paying attention AGAIN, huh?" He stared long and hard at me. My mouth was clamped shut and my eyes felt like bugging out. I gave him a blank expression and he tilted his head. "Not answering me? Well, that means something's bothering you." He spun around and shut the door behind us. "You can tell me, Ax. I'm always here for you."

That's the problem, Rox. You're always here. No matter where I go, no matter what I do, you will always love me as your brother. Nothing will change that, unless I confess. I don't know how you'll take it. I can't tell you. I swallowed hard and took a deep breath.

"I," I tightly squeezed my eyes shut. "I have a naked picture of you." I lied and hopefully he bought that. I have a HALF naked picture. When I popped my eyes open, I saw an unconvinced Roxas staring back at me.

"Really now? I'm being serious, Axel." He stated. I frowned and rolled my eyes dramatically. "You can't look at me when you're lying."

SO-NOT-TRUE. Okay, so he caught on. It's true. I can't lie to him. It's just too cruel. Why would he do this to me? Ah!

"So what's REALLY wrong?" He proceeded to pry into my life.

"Nothing."

"Liar."

"What? But I was looking right at you!"

"You can't DO nothing. You're Axel. Things are always on your mind."

"Not true." I quickly scooted further away and started putting out the mattress on the wooden floor.

"You found someone you love?" His eyes were still fixed on me.

"Why do you say that?" I couldn't look up at him. Not now. I'm vulnerable.

"Because," He sighed before continuing. "People always have a hard time with that. They always deny that they're in love." He seemed rather dreamy, which made my gaze fall upon him.

"What are you, a psychologist?" I laughed. A smile appeared on his pale face. He really does look like Cloud.

"I wanna be."

"Nice. It suits you well."

"So that means I'm right." I whirled around, my back facing him.

"No."

"Why are you in denial?"

"I'm not." I laughed a little. I practically admitted to being in denial. Smooth move, Ax. "Okay. I like someone." I didn't see his expression, since my back was faced towards him. He was silent for a good two minutes as I continued t fix the place where I was going to sleep.

"Who?" He sounds rather calm. I told you he would still love me. No matter what. Well, here goes nothing...

"I love..." I choked on my saliva. My confession wouldn't come out. My mouth dropped open, but nothing, not even a weird grunt or anything came. I took another deep breath, making me stare deep into those oceanic blue eyes before me.

"It's a secret." I couldn't bring myself to say anything. He didn't blink but his mouth did drop.

"What?!" He stood up defiantly. "You were-- It was-- Why won't you tell me?!" He stuttered and his pale face became beat red. Was he blushing or angry? I couldn't tell.

"Now, now Roxas." I joked while shaking my index finger before my face. He grunted and fell back onto his bed.

_Beep, beep. Beep, beep._

"Who is it?" Roxas asked as he watched me pick up my cell.

"It's Demyx." I picked up. "What?"

"Axel? Are you busy?" Demyx's voice shook a bit.

"Not really. What's up?" I continued to fix my mattress on the floor and Roxas kept staring. I think he was trying to hear our conversation.

"It's about Operation Zemyx." He sighed into the phone. If you're wondering, 'Zemyx' is the code word for Demyx and his current lover, Zexion. We make those things up because it's easier and weirdos, like Roxas, won't understand. My situation is called Akuroku.

"Okay, wanna meet up?" I took a glance at my watch. 8:13 PM. Not too late.

"If you can."

"I always can."

"Thanks, Ax. So at the Sand Plot, then?"

"Okay, see you there." I hung up and looked up at Roxas to say something, but he beat me to it.

"Going somewhere?" His face looked somewhat jealous. Roxas was always kind of the possessive type.

"Yeah." I nodded and stood up. I started to pat off my pants and was about to leave out the door until Roxas took hold of my wrist. My head whirled around to meet his.

"Can I come too?" He asked.

"Um, it's actually personal talk, Rox." I felt bad for rejecting him but it was for the best. Demyx would be mad at me. I think. Plus, I wanted to rant about Akuroku too!

"What? But I'm your brother!" Adopted brother to me. At least until I stop liking you, that is if I stop liking you.

"It's a man to man talk." I joked but he took it rather seriously and began pouting. "Look, Rox. It's really personal. We have to talk alone." He spun around with his back faced towards me.

"Fine." And with that, I darted out the door.

* * *

"Axel!" Demyx ran and squeezed me tightly. I almost lost my breath!

"What is it, Dem?" I squeaked and that signaled him to let go.

"Zexion. I think he knows." A few of his dirty blond strands of hair was blocking his eyes.

"That you like him?" He nodded. "How?"

"Well, I..." He paused and his gaze shifted to the sand below us. "He saw my diary."

"You." I shook my head. "You have a diary?" I wanted to laugh, but I knew he was probably serious. "What do you write in there?"

"Songs. Erms, stuff. Uh, about Zexion. And how his name: Sexy Zexy." I face palmed myself.

"What were you doing?" I had finally asked.

"I--" Demyx looked like he was about to weep. He's so over dramatic and emotional. "I was writing in my diary and Zexion suddenly popped out behind me and and and--" I waited for him to continue. "He scared me and I was gonna write 'Sexy Zexy' but instead of writing it, I said it out loud!" I couldn't help but burst into laughter.

"You called him Sexy Zexy?" I almost snorted, but refrain because Demyx was giving me a sad look.

"Yeah. I don't think he wants to work with me anymore." His frown was serious so I stopped laughing completely. My heart began to stink when I realized how sad he looked and that didn't match his personality at all. We all knew that Zexion likes girls. He dated plenty, including his own cousin, Larxene.

"D'aw, Dem. Don't be like that." I started to pat his back and our eyes locked.

"I wish, I wish that I wasn't like this Ax. I'm starting to hate myself. Why was I born a boy? If I was a girl, it wouldn't be so weird. If I was a girl--!"

"Stop that, Dem." I interrupted. His speech was probably gonna get poetic and all sad and junk. I didn't need anymore depressing things in my life. "Don't even try to hate things that you can't change. It won't help. I had a few. Why did Cloud adopt me? Why do I love my own brother like that?" Demyx wrapped his arms around me. I decided to let that go, since he is a big hugger. Hugs are said to be comforting.

"It's the same isn't it?" He mumbled into my shirt. I felt something wet and I'm just praying that it's not his drool. Demyx tends to drool a lot, but this time it's most likely tears. "God can be so cruel sometimes."

He held me in what seemed like forever, but it was probably the first time in my life that I held him intimately too. We had felt each others pain for the very first time.

* * *

"You're back." Roxas informed me. I was practically plastered. I had a few drinks with Demyx just a few hours ago. "And you stink of alcohol." He pointed out. "And it's 2 AM."

"Oh? I didn't realize." I was talking about the time. I knew I was drunk, but not that drunk. I could still function and find my way home. This is home, right? I felt Roxas grab hold of my arm. I didn't know why, but I started to smile creepily.

"Geez. Go take a shower. You stink!" He urged and walked me to the bathroom.

"I'll need clothes." I said. I might be slurring my words. I couldn't tell. "Are you commin with me?" I noticed that I was the one holding onto Roxas.

"No! You're a grown man! Take it yourself!" He yelled a little too loudly. He was hurting my head.

"Nooooo, I want joo Roxy." I yanked him into my arms and I started to grope him everywhere. I kicked the bathroom door shut and continued fondling my brother. Adopted brother. I heard him let out a moan but he elbowed me.

"Let go, you drunken idiot!" He started to squirm, which I think is SO sexy.

"No, I dun wanna." I heard myself say. I was definitely drunk and I wasn't controlling my body anymore. I wondered who was.

"Ah!" I continued to grope his butt and I started giving out small kisses to his neck. "St--stop it Axel!" I managed to pin his fragile body onto the floor and licked his neck. "AXEL!" Tears started to form in his eyes as he screamed. I finally snapped back and took control of my own body. "STOP IT!" He screeched.

"Ah, shit!" I jumped off him and realized my shirt was missing with my pants unbutton. Oh shit is right! "Imma sowwy." My words were still slurred together. "I dun mean to." I shook my head as he got up and dashed out the door. The water for the bath tub was running and steam filled the air tight space in the bathroom. Oh shit. Oh effing shit. What the hell was I going to do?!

* * *

  
**Rabu**: Okay. This took me awhile to write. I was deciding not to make it too fast but not to make it too slow either. I hope you like this chapter... and continue reading my next few chapters. I'll be bringing in Sora sometime soon, I believe. This story line was actually going to be a sequel to another story I was planning on writing first called "All I want" BUT I couldn't bring myself to do it. I was already planning on this one, so I decided to go with it.

Do you like it, love it, dislike it, hate it? Please tell me. No flames, but critiques are always nice cuz I'm a noob writer. :D  
**  
Reviews, + Alerts & + Favs are loved!**

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. You and I know that!


	2. Conflicted Blaze

**NOTE**: We shouldn't judge others just because they are different from you. Straight, gay or bi, it doesn't make a difference that we are all imperfect. We all need help sometime in our lives so let's just live together in harmony. With love. Just a little something I wanted to say. :)

**Rabu**: A bit fast pace... I think, but I wanted to get to the point of the story. LOL.

**PAIRINGS**: One sided Akuroku, Roxette, One sided Zemyx AND implied Soriku

* * *

My eyes clamped shut as I laid on the mattress besides Roxas's bed. Guilt had overwhelmed my body and I couldn't look at him anymore. Well, for the rest of the night anyway. I didn't even want to hear him or else that would just crush me. I didn't notice the time, but it was already morning because the sun peaked from the hills through Roxas's window. I kept hearing Roxas toss and turn too. He probably didn't get much sleep either.

"Axel..." I flinched at the sound of his voice. "Are you awake?" He sounded so tired. Maybe he couldn't stop thinking about what had happened.

"... Yeah." I squeezed a plush toy that Roxas had given me a few years back. I think it's a cactus with legs and a face. He called it a cactar?

"Do you remember what happened last night?" His voice trembled and I shut my eyes. I dryly swallowed. No, I shouldn't. I shouldn't remember. I don't want to hurt him anymore.

"No, not really." I curled into a fetus position. "My head hurts. I probably have a hangover. I think I drank." I pretended like I was in pain when in reality, I felt numb.

"Yeah, you DID drink." I heard him get up off his bed. "I'll go get you water." He disappeared out the door.

I assumed Cloud had already left earlier in the morning. He has two jobs; one part time, the other full time. Even till this day, I'm not sure what he does.

"Here," Roxas plopped down an ice bag on my head. When I looked up, I blushed on accident. It just came and I wasn't ready. "Ah, you look sick." He lightly brushed my forehead and felt my hot cheeks. "Oh, and your water."

"I think, ngh, it's just the hangover." I groaned and held the bottled water in one hand. I grabbed Roxas with my free hand, which surprised him. He tilted his head to the side. "I'm sorry. I won't drink anymore." A smile lit up from his face.

"Okay." He pinched my nose and I shot up, hitting our heads together. "Promi--!"

"OUCH!" We both screamed painfully in unison. I was rubbing my forehead and I turned to see Roxas rubbing his chin. His chin hurt like a brick!

"Waaah! Your head is as hard as a frozen whopper!" I frowned. Frozen whoppers were hard as hell. My head wasn't THAT hard. Now, about that chin of his... "Anyway, promise me you won't drink again?" He stuck out his pinky, implying a pinky swear we used to do back when we had first officially became brothers.

* * *

_"I was mad. He pushed you." I jerked my hand away from Roxas._

_"It's okay, Axel." He tried to calm me down. "It's okay."_

_"We made a promise! I WILL protect you from getting hurt!" My eyes locked on his sapphire orbs._

_"Yeah, but I'm okay now." He stretched his arms out to assure me that he really was okay. "See?" I nodded._

_"Promises weren't made to be broken." I held his tiny hands together and our foreheads had touched. "So I'll protect you from anyone, even if it's me."_

* * *

I curled my pinky and locked it with his. "Promise."

"Okay then! Breakfast should be ready soon." He pipped up. "When will you be going to work?" He smiled, showing his pearly whites.

"Ah, I have to meet up with Dem at 12 sharp." I stood up, patting myself off.

"Okay, when will you get off?" I stared at him.

"Um, maybe 5-ish?" My mouth slanted. I wasn't sure, really.

"Okay, well... Remember Olette?" I nodded. She's the girl who practically hangs out with Roxas, Sora, Hayner and Pence all the time. I guess she's a tomboy or something. "She's having a birthday party. She's turning 18. I want you to come." I cocked my head to the side.

"Well, I dunno." I shrugged. I don't really LIKE Olette. I remember her being one of Roxas's first crush or something. In all honesty, he might still like her. Along with Hayner and Pence since she's the only girl that's willing to hang out with them. No offense or anything...

"You can bring..." His eyes shifted elsewhere. "Demyx too."

"Demyx?"

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"He's your best friend?"

"And?"

"I," he looked very guilty. "I want to meet your friends too!" He managed to spit out. His face slowly turned pink as I just stared in awe.

"Oh. Okay." I scratched the back of my head. "That's okay, I guess. He's really--er, don't listen to him. He blabbers on a lot."

"Like Sora?"

"They should be siblings." I laughed at the thought. They were so alike in many ways. A smile crawled on Roxas's face.

"I'll finally meet him! Be sure to come! It starts at 6!" He made a dashed to the kitchen as I made my way towards the bathroom for a nice, hot shower.

* * *

"Demyx, are you free after 5?" I held my cell between my cheek and my shoulder. I was staring at something nice to give to Olette. I hated showing up at birthday or grad parties with no gifts. That was rude, I thought.

"Hummmm." He paused for a moment and I heard him flipping through pages. "First, why? Cuz if you wanna go do something crazy you'll have to find someone else--!"

"DEM!" I shouted a little too loudly. "I'm just going to Roxas's friend's birthday party. Roxas wants to meet you. Oddly." I squinted at a box of chocolate. Girls care too much about their weight.

"Oh. OH! THE INFAMOUS ROXAS FAIR?!" He squeaked on the other line and I had to pull away momentarily.

"Yeah, well you better not do anything stupid or you'll never see him again." I rolled my eyes, even though he couldn't see.

"Yes sir!" He sounded like he could jump over the moon. Too excited. Too excited Demyx always means trouble. "Yea--AHH! Zex!!" And he hung up on me. Oh well. He'll probably tell me about it later.

I glanced at an employee. "Excuse me, what would you recommend for a gift for a, uh..." Olette was a woman? Girl? Lady? I dunno. "Woman?" Woman it is.

The employee, whom happened to be a woman herself, smiled with glee. "Someone special?" She giggled.

"Oh! No. No, no." I shook my head. Ew, Olette. Nooo. Again, no offense... "Just a friend." But not really a friend.

"Oh, okay. Well, flowers are always nice to get. Something sweet." She seemed almost as lost as me but I shrugged. Okay. I'm going with flowers. Yellow and red roses. Somehow, I thought those colors looked nice together.

* * *

"AND SO--Zexion keeps creeping up on me!" Demyx whined and tugged my arm as if I was his father.

"Or maybe," I peeled him off. "He's just so QUIET that you don't hear him coming."

"OH! Who are these roses for? HMMMM?!!" Demyx had the shortest attention span in the whole world. Way shorter than mine and shorter than Sora's, believe it or not!

"It's Olette's birthday. She's Roxas's friend." I rolled my eyes. Maybe I was envious over the fact that she can openly love Roxas without feeling like the world is going to crush her.

"Why red and yellow?"

"I dunno. It was in a bouquet. Stop asking."

"Are you mad?"

"No, why would I be?"

"Cuz she can love Rox and NOT feel like the world is going to crush her." I stared at him. He just read my mind. Alright. You know when you hang out with someone too much when they start thinking like you or vice-versa. We were parked outside her house and thankfully, still in MY car.

"Man, shut up Dem. Let's go." He jumped out of the car and swirled around to face me.

"Why are you so mean to me?" Demyx whimpered.

"I'm not mean to you." I lied. I'm sorta mean to him. Maybe it's because he's my best friend, so I can joke around a lot.

"Liar! You're so oh brotherly lovely dovely with Rox." He pointed at me and accused.

"Oh yeah? You wanna go there? Well, why are you so clingy to me when you won't even touch Zexion?" I laughed inwardly as I watched Demyx turn pink and dropped the subject.

I knocked at the door and Roxas opened it. Wasn't it usually the host? Oh well. Roxas beamed when he saw my face then Demyx shoved me out of the way.

"HI! I'M DEMYX!" He literally screamed at Roxas. They were only about two feet apart. Roxas looked confused for a moment.

"Uh, hi Demyx. I'm not deaf...?"

"HAHA! I know. It's just how I talk. I get so excited that I forget how loud I'm talking." He smiled blissfully and Roxas returned the smile. I just wanted t face palm myself... or Demyx, but it was probably safer if I just hit myself.

"Who are the flowers for? Olette?" Roxas noticed. I handed them to him. I was never really the type to hold such... beautiful things.

"You give them to her. It's from you."

"Oh." I think I saw him blush a little and that bugged me. "Okay." I tried to shrug it off before it started to really bother me.

"Are we just gonna stand here?" Demyx asked, already bored.

"Oh, sorry! Come on in." Roxas stepped aside and the first person I saw was Sora. He bounced on me and I fell backwards.

"AXELLLLL~!! YAY! I'M SO HAPPY YOU'RE HERE!" I think I only attract the loud and obnoxious people.

"Okaay, can't breathe Sora." I struggled to get out of his grip. I knew he was a lot stronger than how he looks and I know he's stronger than Roxas. Sora would always win in Struggle matches. It would be him vs Seifer all the time. By the time I looked up, I noticed Roxas and Demyx gone. I surely hope they weren't talking about me...

"I have something to tell you!" Sora exclaimed, still very energetic. "Your brother's not gonna be single from here on out." He whispered into my ear. I instantly pulled back and gaped.

"Wha? Why? And how would YOU know?" I didn't think I heard him right. Plus, our positioning was awkward. Sora was still on top of me and his face was only a few inches away from meeting mine.

"Olette told me that she's gonna confess to him in front of everyone." He giggled. "And Roxas still likes her." My face fell mentally, but I figured I was still smiling on the outside because Sora didn't make a sad face saying I didn't agree. "They are so cute." Chills ran down my spine.

"Right..." I shoved him off and sat up. "What about you? Found anyone?" He stiffened.

"Uh... no... not really..." His voice trailed off. Why does he sound so unsure? Who knows. Actually, Roxas might. He jumped to his feet and yanked me up with him. "Anyway, let's go."

* * *

The party dragged on for an hour now and STILL no announcement about Olette's love for Roxas. Not that I was waiting for it or anything. I didn't want to hear it. I wanted to get drunk and start fondling Roxas again. I felt like crap but then I remembered that I promised Roxas I wouldn't drink. Oh man, why did I do that? I blame the hangover.

"Attention!" Olette cleared her throat as she hit a spoon against her mug. "Attention, everyone. I have an announcement to make." Her face was beat red. My heart was starting to sink as I watched her turn multiple shades of red. "I have a boyfriend. It's Roxas Fair! And he gave me roses today!" My jaw dropped wide open and I wanted to throw a pillow and boo at her. She was holding the bouquet of roses and smelled it. Everyone was applauding except for me and Demyx. He eyes tried to find me and when he spotted me, a frown fell on to his face.

"YOU BOTH SHOULD KISS!" Someone, most likely Hayner, shouted from behind me. Then everyone chanted, "KISS!! KISS!! KISS!!"

Nooo. NOOOO! Roxas HASN'T kissed anyone before! He told me he was saving it for 'THE ONE'. The one certainly did not exist anymore because their lips had met. I sank into the couch and threw my head back. A shockingly familiar face looked down on me.

"Axel?" I shot up and stared at the silver haired man.

"Ri--Riku?!" I gasped. "It's been so long!" I honestly wanted to squeeze him because I really needed a hug right now. "Wait, what're you doing here?"

"Um, Sora invited me." His turquoise eyes scanned me from head to toe. "How about you?"

I pointed with my thumb towards the crowd around Roxas and Olette. "Roxas. My brother. His girlfriend's party." His eyes widen.

"Really?! I didn't know that Roxas was your adopted brother!" He shrugged. "Wait, he's the little boy from 10 years ago?" I nodded.

Riku and I had a lot of history together. We both grew up in the Seventh Heaven Orphanage ran by Tifa Lockheart. We were only five at the time and we were assigned roommates. I guess it was because we were both anti-social back then that we hung out a lot. We never really left our room unless it was dinner time. I was adopted at age 13, but I don't think Riku was ever adopted. He had to leave the orphanage when he turned 16.

"Oohh, okay. Well, I guess that makes sense." He brought his hand to his chin.

"Well, how have you been?"

"Gotta say, it was rough but I can manage." He stated dully. Even when we were young, Riku was always independent.

"How'd you meet Sora?" I asked, interested. It's funny how the world was so small.

"Funny thing you asked." He grinned. "It was that Christmas you were adopted. Sora was lost in the mall and we just bumped into each other. I decided to help him out because, well, you know how I hate seeing people cry. Ever since then we've kept in contact." He elbowed me and I started to laugh.

"Yeah, same old Riku!" I felt someone take hold of my arm. When my eyes met theirs, it was just Demyx. His face was filled with worry. He knew I wasn't over the kissing scene yet. "Oh, Riku. This is my friend, Demyx. Demyx, Riku." I briefly introduced.

"Hullo!" Demyx tried to sound energetic, but somehow he wasn't. He worries too much. Especially when it comes to me. I'm not that emotional where I need a hug every two seconds.

"Hi." Riku tilted his head.

"Great, now you guys start talking. I think I need some fresh air. It's humid in here." I chuckled and dashed out the door.

I sat on the new patched up grass, staring into the twilight sky. I should give up. What the hell am I talking about? I should've given up a long time ago. I wouldn't be in this hellva mess. I'm so damn stupid. Everything that's happened, it was wrong from the very beginning. Roxas deserves to be happy with the one he loves. If that person so happens to be Olette, then so be it. I shouldn't complain. I really shouldn't. I care about him too much to just let him go. Dammit. Maybe I'm too possessive.

"Hey, Axel." I heard his voice come closer. "Don't tell dad what I did, okay?" He sat beside me but I didn't lift my eyes off the clouds.

"Do you know why red is the color that goes out the farthest?" I blinked and then smiled. "It's because the light is made up of many different colors, but the strongest one is red." I finally turned to face him and he just stared.

"You're just showing off!" He joked and jabbed me with his elbow. We both laughed and I think I was faking it. Either way, Roxas couldn't tell. "Did I, uh, surprise you?" My expression was blank and I blinked a few times before opening my mouth to say something.

"Yeah, actually. I didn't know you still liked her like that." My eyes darted around for something else to focus on.

"Oh, well," Roxas fiddled with his thumbs. "I'm sorry for not telling you. Um, at least I'm in love." He smiled in daze. Just then, something clicked in my head.

"You're too young to be in love." I snapped. Crap. That's not what I wanted to say. Words just flowed out of my mouth.

"What?" Roxas was just as shocked as I was. My mouth kept moving by itself.

"You. You're too young to be in love." I repeated in a more pissed off manner. His eye brows furrowed and his gaze turned into a glare.

"What? Love has NO boundaries!" He started to throw a fit and shot up.

"How do you even know it's love?" I snapped back and shot up with him. I felt like we were at each others' throats.

"Because--!!" He gulped, searching for an answer of any kind. "I'm happy! Isn't that enough?"

"No! No, Rox, that's NOT enough! Happiness is just a feeling and feelings change!"

"No! You're wrong!" Obviously our arguement started becoming quite vocal and Demyx darted outside. His jaw dropped when he saw Roxas and I at each others' necks. "I thought YOU would be happy for me!"

"Why? Because I'm your brother?"

"No! Because I thought you were the one who wanted me to be the happiest." His voice backed down and it became more sad then angry.

"I do, Rox." My voice cooled down as well. "But don't YOU care about MY happiness at all?" I sounded like I whimpered like a kicked dog. I sounded so selfish, but the words just kept flowing out. I guess it needed to be said. His eyes widen in shock or confusion, I couldn't tell. Maybe he never really thought about it. After all, he's only 18. It was a long silence of five minutes when I finally turned towards my car. Demyx apologized for no apparent reason to Roxas and quickly got into the passenger's side of my car.

That would probably be the biggest fight Roxas and I will ever get into, hopefully.

* * *

A heatedly dry silence filled my car as Demyx was thinking of something probably smart to say. I knew he hated the silence, but this wasn't a time to burst out and joke around.

"It's okay." Demyx mumbled out. "It's okay to be in love." I wasn't sure if he was talking about me or Roxas, but I didn't answer. Or more like I couldn't answer. "And it's not your fault." His head was hanging low and I felt guilt tug at my heart. It must be my fault. I shrugged and pulled up to Demyx's apartment.

"I'm sleeping over tonight." I said without looking over to him. Usually, Demyx would be pumped if I decided to sleep over because I rarely do it. This time he just nodded and let me in.

Beeep, beeeeeep. Beeep, beeeeep.

"Hullo?" Demyx answered his cell. "Oh hey, Zex!" I walked over to the bathroom to wet my face. "What? Oh. It was, uh, something..." I felt Demyx stare at me. "It was Axel. He made that up and I thought it was kinda catchy. Ahahaaa! I would never call you that." I wiped my face clean and shook my head towards Demyx. He smiled sheepishly at me and mouthed 'I'm sorry!' I couldn't help but grin at that. I made my way to his refrigerator as he hung up and yanked my arm.

"Huh?"

"Axel. We should talk about this." His eyes narrowed on me.

"About what?" I didn't want to.

"Roxas."

"I don't want to."

You HAVE to." He urged.

"Why?" I wasn't getting that irritated, shockingly.

"Because it's hurting you. And I'm your friend. I'm here for you." Our eyes locked. For a moment, I felt weak but didn't falter.

"Fine. You win. What's there to talk about?" I jumped on his black leather couch.

"You know Roxas loves you, Ax."

"Don't even start with that." I rolled my eyes and stuffed my face into a stuffed penguin.

"It's true. You shouldn't be too hard on him. He's still learning. Experiencing life. Plus, he doesn't understand where you're coming from." Demyx pointed out. I wanted to sulk and I didn't feel like talking to Dem anymore. My eye lids became heavy and shut. I couldn't hear Demyx talking anymore.

* * *

"I'm not afraid to fall! It means i climbed up high! To fall is not to fail! You fail when you don't try~! Not afraid to fall, I might just learn to fly and I will spread these wings of mine~!"

I woke up to hear Demyx singing a weird song. It wasn't his and I never heard him sing it before. Maybe it was one of those songs where you sing when you're alone.

"Ngh, what time is it?"

"Mornin' sunshine! It's 4 AM!" He seemed a little too jolly for 4 AM. HOLY!! 4 AM?! I jumped out of the couch and scared Demyx. He toppled over something and landed on his butt. "Waaah! You scared me!"

I started feeling my pockets for my cell, but nothing was there. "Dem, where's my--"

"--cell is right here." He tossed it to me and I caught it, even though I was still half asleep. "You got ten calls from your brother." He slowly got up and dusted himself off. "Don't worry, I answered."

I glanced at him. "What did you say?"

"Oh, just that you're sleeping and it's not a good idea to wake you up. I was willing to leave a message but he hung up." I yawned and sat back down.

"Should I call him?"

"Would he be awake?"

"Talking to Olette."

"You never know." I let out a small chuckle and flipped my cell open. C'mon, Axel. I should apologize for being so selfish. Apologize! He's your (adopted) brother you love. Forgive him and pretend it never happened.

"Here I go." I sighed and Demyx smiled getting up to leave to his room.

"Good luck and make things right."

The phone started to ring and I only waiting a short time until Roxas picked up.

"He--hello?" It sounded like he had been crying. It was most likely MY fault.

"Rox." I continued to exhale deeply. "I'm sorry, I was--"

"Don't be, Axel. It was me, I'm sorry. I didn't even consider your feelings. I didn't know you didn't like Olette that much." He concluded. I felt dumb. Why? Because he didn't get my point. He thinks I don't like his girlfriend. It's not that I don't like Olette...

"No, Rox. It's not her."

"Then it's me?"

"No. It's not you." I squeezed my cell tighter. "It's not you."

"Uhm, then why were you so angry?"

Should I say the real reason? Should I spill the beans right now? What should I do? He deserves the truth. Truth. Yes, truth.

"I was just jealous." I moaned. "You were mine and now you're with someone." He began to giggle on the other line.

"Ax, you're funny. I will always be your brother." Those words stabbed my heart like a stake. I held in my cry and sighed (a fake relieving kind of sigh).

"Yeah, okay." He sounded happier and that's what I wanted. I want to be able to keep my promise. I won't let anyone hurt him. No one, even if I get hurt in the process. That's some kind of form of love, isn't it?

* * *

**Rabu**: UM. YEAH. A bit fast pace, no? I've had this chapter written out and all for awhile. I don't have much time to post on FF though. D: Sorries, but I'm writing chapter 3 right now and it'll get the ball going. I mean, a bit happens in here, but Axel's emotions and all will get going. **Tell me how it's going**. _Tell me what you think is gonna happen_. Tell me anything. :'D

**Review, +Favs, +Alert = LOVE**

Disclaimer: I don't own anything but the emo plot.


	3. Sea of Flames

**NOTE**: There are people hurting everywhere, everyday. You are not alone in this great big world. Let's touch the world and make it better. Together, we can do it.

**WARNING**: I dislike this chapter cuz it ain't the best. I have my reasons why (cuz life fails and it hates me /emo). LOLL. BUT NEXT CHAPTER WILL BE BETTER! THANKS!

* * *

It's been about a month since that time when I spoke to Roxas on the phone at 4 AM. Life's been sorta the same except Roxas is having relationship issues. Let me remind you that it's only been about a month. I have been there for him, watching him fake that horrible smile to his friends and I. He doesn't think I see it but I know it's there. I know that he's hurting and I don't like that at all.

"Here's your drink, Axel." Roxas held out an orange soda pop in front of me. He then put on the plastic smile and held Demyx's drink towards him. "Here, Demyx."

"Oh thanks!" Demyx returned the fake smile. We could tell what's fake and what's not. People watching is one of Demyx's weird hobbies. He makes up some story behind the person like he knows them, then greets them if they don't find his eyes drilling behind their head. He's social like that. My eyes had locked with Roxas's for a split second, then he looked elsewhere. You're too easy to read, Roxas.

"How are you and Olette?" I tried to be casual. Everyone always asks him. I might as well too.

"We're--" he shifted around his seat. "Okay." He seemed nervous or something but I decided to let that glide until Demyx cocked his head to the side.

"Isn't that Olette?" Demyx pointed out the window. All eyes darted towards the window. Demyx was right. That girl IS Olette and she wasn't alone. She was with Hayner. Wait, are they holding hands?! I didn't notice my jaw dropped until Demyx shut it closed.

"So you guys are REALLY okay?" I asked sarcastically while rolling my eyes. I saw him stiffen and so did Demyx.

"Um, I drank all my pop. I'm gonna go get more." Demyx laughed and scrammed out the room. Roxas's blue orbs finally focused on me.

"Uh, yeah, sorta."

"Don't lie to me." I demanded and he squeezed his eyes shut for a second.

"Okay. Well, I honestly don't know. I guess it's because I'm not as romantic as she thought. I get nervous around her and do dumb stuff." I think my finger twitched. "She tells me that I don't treat her right. Ma--maybe I'm not good enough for her."

"Whoa, whoa. Wait." I held my hands before my face. "Don't ever say that."

"Huh? Say what?"

"Don't ever say you're not good enough for someone." I shook my head and pointed at him. "Don't you know? We can't judge anyone's value. We all make mistakes. It's hard to say who is deserving of what." I declared. He smiled blissfully. Finally, it wasn't fake. I loved it.

"Thanks, Axel." His gaze fell. "But honestly, Olette told me that I don't appreciate her very much." I heard his voice shake. Demyx made a loud entrance to make sure that we knew he was coming.

"Sorry, I got a call from Zexy! We need to go Axel!" Demyx was blushing and I could tell he tried very hard to hide it. I stood up and whispered in Roxas's ear.

"We'll talk later, okay?" And took off to my job.

* * *

"Um, yes, Zexion?" Demyx cleared his throat. I stood next to him.

"Oh, Demyx, I--Why is Axel here?" Zexion turned his gaze to me. I couldn't tell if he was glaring or just staring. His emotions were hard to read. Demyx and I exchanged looks.

"He's my... manager?" Demyx felt like it was a trick question. I could tell by his tone of voice.

"... Right. But I need you to see if you could sing this song. I wrote it..." He coughed. "--For you."

"Oh!" Demyx pipped and looked at me with a confused-excited look. "Okay then!" He went to take the paper from Zexion but when their hands touched, Demyx jumped back. "So--sorry!"

"No, it's okay." I felt an awkward silence, so I decided to leave the room. I was getting irritated looking at those two basically flirt. Not that I'm jealous or anything. Really. I had something else I wanted to take care of. I flipped opened my cell and began dialing a number off a piece of crumbled paper I had in my pocket.

"Hello?"

"Hi, this is Axel. Roxas's brother. Got it memorized?" I heard her laughing on the other end.

"Yes, I do. How may I help you, Axel?"

"Got a minute, Olette?"

* * *

It was around 6 PM already and I was jogging to the park where I asked Olette to meet up with me. I held two hot drinks in my hand though, so I was careful enough not to spill them.

"Hey!" I said while I made my way around the corner and into the park.

"Hello." I handed her the drink and she smiled. "Thank you." Her smile was enough to woo you, but I'm not into my brother's girlfriend.

"No prob. I have a few things I'd like to talk to you about." She nodded.

"Duh, dummy. I figured that much." She giggled and took a sip. "Mm, hot chocolate."

"Yeah. Figured every girl likes chocolate." I shrugged and smirked.

"Roxas." I blinked. "You wanna talk about Roxas? Since he is your brother and all."

"Adopted. Adopted brother." I clarified with her. I'm still not comfortable with calling him just my brother while I love him more than that. Even I considered it gross.

"Oh?" She seemed confused as to why I would say that but let it go. "Okay..." I took a few more sips out of my cup.

"Why would you treat Roxas like this?"

"What? You mean me flirting with Hayner?" I glanced at her and she smiled at me. I wanted to rip that smile to shreds. "That, I planned out with Hayner. I just wanted to get Roxas a little jealous so that I know he loves me." She was frowning now. "It's hard to tell that he loves me."

"Don't be stupid." I sighed and mentally rolled my eyes. "You know he loves you." I wanted to slap myself but didn't.

"Oh yeah?"

"You're the one he chose to kiss. The one to date. The one to call his girlfriend. You have all that and yet you can't trust him enough that he really loves you. You need proof to show that you mean something to him. Girls are so insecure." I yawned and took another sip. Her eyes were stuck on me and she seemed speechless.

"You're wrong." She sighed and sunk into her swing. "I'm not the one he loves most."

"Really?" I was surprised and I wanted to know what she's thinking. Girls are so weird.

"Yup. You see, love comes to us naturally. Do you see how he treats me?" I nodded. I've seen them before. The only time they kissed was at her birthday. In front of crowds that you couldn't say no to... "Now, do you see how he treats Hayner, Pence and Sora?" I nodded again but I didn't know what she was talking about... "Do you know how he treats you?" I twitched.

"Excuse me?" I was shocked, surprised, confused. What did you want me to say?

"I know you may think of him as a brother, but the only one he'll open up to is you. All he talks about is you. I think..." She took one last sip of her hot chocolate. "I think he loves you." I jumped to my feet and about two feet away from her. Is she thinking that this is okay? Does she think that even adopted brothers can love like this?

"Wh--What?!" I gaped. "No way. It's because we're brothers." I laughed nervously. I think she already saw right through me.

"I'm sorry." She didn't push it. I probably gave myself away. Dumb emotions. "I didn't mean to say anything offensive." She sat up and brushed her semi-curly hair. "Well, I better get going then. See you later, Axel. Oh, and thanks for the hot chocolate." Olette giggled as she ran out of my sight. My jaw felt like it was unhinged but I managed to shut it tight. What is that girl thinking?

* * *

"WHY WERE YOU TALKING TO OLETTE?!!" Roxas lashed out at me. His face was pumped red and I was on the verge of laughing. He's so cute when he's angry. I noticed he was holding onto my shoulders tightly.

"Um," I yanked his adhesive like hands away. "Just because I happened to meet up with her. That's all." He pouted and continued glaring. I guess it's true that he does show a lot more to me then anyone else. He barely shows anyone any emotions.

"Don't go talking to your younger brother's girlfriend without permission!" He screamed, trying to contain his manliness.

"Adopted."

"What?"

"We're adopted." Somehow, that always got to me. I always had to remind him that I'm not his blood related brother. Maybe it's just a way to justify my feelings for him. I'm hoping he'll take it as a hint of 'I can't think of you as my brother because I love you', but most likely not.

"Why do you keep saying that? It's like you don't want to be close with me." His face fell and I looked away. No, it's NOT that Roxas. I swear. If you had these feelings too then you would understand. Silence filled the air and Roxas took it as a sign of rejection of sorts. "Fine. I get it." He whirled around and slammed the door. Stupidly, I didn't go after him. I just sat and began laughing out loud. I couldn't help it but just laugh. No tears. No pain. Just laughing. Like a machine that broke. Sad thing is, I really don't want to be his brother.

* * *

Days have been dragging on by since the last time I talked to Roxas. Sadly, we haven't talked since. Maybe he was really mad at me or hoping for me to give in first. I was going to but decided against it. Why? This will give me space away from my lovable brother of mine.

"Axel!" A voice yelled at me across my room from the doorway. "You stink of alcohol!" Demyx walked over to me to snatch the bottle of whiskey from me. I smiled, half buzzed and licked my top lip.

"Mm-hm, it's cos I've been drinkin." I hiccuped and held Demyx's chin towards me, swooping in for a kiss.

"Ew! Back off Axel!" He shoved me off and took a step back. "You know I like someone else, you punk." He became defensive and glared.

"Naaah, you dun hafta like sum one to kissu em." I puckered out my lips and Demyx punched my gut. I squealed and held my stomach, wheezing in pain.

"Get a grip, Axel." His tone was serious and I couldn't focus too well on his face.

"Yer no fun." I pouted and laid back into my soft couch. I went for another bottle but Demyx caught my hand.

"Stop."

"No. You don't control me."

"I don't care."

Ding-dong.

"Eh?" Our heads turned towards the door in an instant. I cocked my head to the side, waiting for an answer.

"Axel?" A familiar voice asked. "It's me, uh, Roxas." I mentally jumped. I remembered promising Roxas I wouldn't drink anymore and here I was, drinking away. He never told me he was visiting! I can't get sobered up. I'm still buzzed! My eyes widen and locked onto Demyx. He shrugged and I shot up to open the door.

"Uh," I gulped. I hope he doesn't smell anything. "Hello, Rox." I did my best to focus on him. "Is there something you need?" His cold finger tips brushed against my hot cheeks.

"You've been drinking, huh?" His expression itself made me feel so guilty that I should've sobered up right then and there. Instead, the guilt just stayed there and made me feel awful.

"Umm, no." He forcefully entered my studio and saw all the empty bottles of alcohol. He just stared at me. His oceanic eyes searching to find a reason as to why I would break a promise to him.

"Why? Why would you break a promise?" His eyes darted to a stiff Demyx who was probably wondering the same thing.

"Oh, Roxy, promises were MADE to be broken. After all, no one really means to keep their promises." I laughed and I saw Demyx ready to sock me in the face. I was ready for any abuse that I might feel. When I heard silence, I opened my eyes to see Roxas trying to hold back some tears. Unfortunately, most of the tears made its way out.

"I--I meant every promise I said."

"Noooo, you just wanna be a guddy too shoe, Roxy." I shoved him to the wall and pressed myself against him. Demyx jumped and attempted to pry me off from him.

"Don't, Axel!" He held my shoulder to the point where it hurt like crap. I simply elbowed him off and he went flying. I guess I can't control my strength. "Ah!" I heard a thud and figured Demyx was still okay. My eyes were still on Roxas, mentally stripping him. I started to lick his cold neck. I held his hands from attempting to hit me or run away. He was shaking but I couldn't tell from what.

"St--stop!" He squeaked and when I saw the opportunity of his mouth opening, I went in. He attempted to gasped but I sucked his breath away. He began squirming and I felt tears drip onto me somewhere. I was bitten so I drew back, letting our saliva drip between both our lips. "Why are you doing this?!"

"Because," I began biting his nape and he moaned. "I want something I can't have."

* * *

**Rabu**: LOL! Sorry everyone! I said I was gonna post some time soon but work made me really fatigued! It's been a LONG, LONG week for me and I feel like I'm dying from work overload. Lol. I'm so A.D.D in this chapter cuz I only write at night now, so I'm half-asleep. Sorrrry! D: I hope it was good enough. If not, chapter four will rock your socks off!! Plus, my computer crashed on me. I reformatted it, so it's all good. :'D BTW, I know this isn't my best writing. It's so flip-floppy. Forgive me. I don't really like this chapter... lol.


	4. My burning Fire

**WARNINGS**: Swearing. LOl. And a teen going through turmoil.

**Rabu**: Okay, short chapter (again) but I hope you guys like it. It's getting really complicated because Roxas is just 18 and trying to sort out his feelings. He flip flops a lot about his feelings. What can we do? D:

**Disclaimer**: The day I own Kingdom Hearts and its characters is not yet made.

* * *

It felt like time had froze, but my heart kept beating faster and faster. What is happening to me? All of a sudden, I felt hot tears drip onto my shirt. Those didn't belong to me, it belonged to Axel. His grip made me numb, but suddenly became loose. We slid onto the floor and he was on top of me, fainted. My shirt was wet from his tears and it made me wonder... Did I do this to him?

"Sorry, Roxas." I heard Demyx say. "He didn't hurt you, did he?" I felt him lift Axel off me. Somehow, that didn't make it easier to breathe. I felt chills run through my body and I couldn't focus.

"What?" I'm confused. Demyx turned his head toward me, maybe squinting at me. I couldn't really tell. What is something Axel can't have? Surely it couldn't have been me. I'm right here. I'm here, right? My mind was drawing blanks and I really couldn't help but wonder.

"Did he hurt you?" Demyx sounded a bit confused. Maybe it was my expression.

"No-- not really." I shook my head. "Why did, uh, Axel cry?" I bit my bottom lip and I could taste the little alcohol that was left on Axel's lips. Demyx flipped around after setting Axel's body on his couch. He blinked a few times before answering.

"I dunno." My weird gut feeling told me he was lying, but I didn't want to pry. Everyone has their own time and their own pace. I'm sure Axel will tell me, right? We're brothers-- wait, are we? Why am I having second thoughts about who Axel is to me? Was it just because of the kiss? No, I'm sure Axel didn't mean it. Just like all the promises he made to me.

My heart just kept banging against my chest. I wanted to know why. This felt different then anything I've ever felt. I couldn't help but ask Demyx. "Do you think Axel loves someone?" Another chill struck me. Why am I asking such stupid questions?

His head tilted as he hovered over Axel to see if he was doing okay. His lips were smacked straight. "Yeah, he does."

I looked at him, even more confused than before. Do I dare ask? Just maybe, this is the answer I'm looking for.

"... Who?"

His eyes drifted back to Axel and it looked like he brushed his face. Suddenly, his gaze came back to me a couple minutes later. "Me." His expression was dead serious. It was rare to see Demyx not smiling and it felt weird when he didn't. I knew he was probably serious. Besides, why would he lie to me about that?

My eyes instantly tore off from him and onto the floor. Hot blood rushed to my face, making me feel dizzy and embarrassed. But from what? Was I expecting a different answer? Of course, Axel's best friend is Demyx. I don't see him hanging out with anyone else but me. We're brothers though. It's not right-- right? But we're not-- why am I thinking like this? I'm sure Axel was just teasing me because he called me a goody-two-shoe. It's not like I like Axel like that. I have Olette. I love Olette. I should probably go see her.

"I'm sorry for prying." I stood up, still staring at the floor. "I-- I'm gonna go to Olette's." I think I heard Demyx whispered something under his breath. I ignored it though and left out the door. The more I walked further away from Axel's house, the more numb I got. Sure, it was winter but I felt the need to be numb. Having no feelings felt nice sometimes. If that made any sense.

* * *

I stepped on Olette's porch and knocked loudly. It hurt my knuckles but I didn't care. Some reason, I was angry. At what? I don't know and that's what's making me even more mad! No answer, so I knocked again.

"Yes?" The front door swung open. My jaw dropped to see who had opened the door. It wasn't Olette or her mom or her dad for that matter.

"Hayner? What the hell are you doing here?" I wanted to scream but Hayner was my friend too.

"Olette invited me." He replied dryly. "She didn't tell me you were coming over." I glared at him.

"I don't need permission to go to my girlfriend's house." I spat out. Like I said, I was already pissed. What the fuck is Hayner doing at Olette's place?

"Really? She told me you two broke up." I twitched.

"What?!" I shook my head. "No, no. We're having problems, that's all. We're in the middle of fixing them." Hayner arched his eye brow. "Just let me talk to her, dammit!" I demanded. He leaned against the door frame.

"I can't. She doesn't want to talk to you." He rubbed his hands together. "Besides, why are you so pissy?" DAMN YOU HAYNER!

"Let me talk to **OLETTE**. I've got no business with you." I attempted to shove my way through, but he stopped me. I jerked my head to meet his.

"Sorry, Rox. I'll be taking care of Olette now." He said quite possessively.

"Excuse me? You're just taking advantage of the situation! I need to talk to her." I tried to calm down, but now wasn't the time. My emotions were flailing all over the fucking place. This is more emotions than one person can handle alone! FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT. "**PLEASE HAYNER**!" Tears watered up in my eyes and I couldn't see anymore. "_Please_. Just let me." I fell to my knees, just begging to see her face one more time.

"You'll see her at school. Right now, she doesn't want to talk to you. Why can't you respect her decisions?" He frowned. "And stop begging already. You look like a **kicked** dog. Just get out. Unfortunately, you don't look like you're ready to see her anyway." With that being said, he slammed the door in my face.

What the hell is happening to me? Why am I acting up now? Why couldn't I keep it in? Why? Why?! **WHY?!** DAMN IT! Why the FUCK am I falling apart now? I was doing so well! I ran to the only place I could think of; the park.

The snow was crunching underneath my feet. The park was always the place I ran to when I needed some time alone. The only person who knew that was Axel. No matter where I was, he'd always find me. I wonder if he looks for me. Will he come for me now? No, of course not. He should be with Demyx. The person he wants, the one he loves most. Have I always been so alone?

* * *

_"Axel!" I shouted with glee as I fell into the snow pile. "AH! SO COLD!!" I squealed, flailing my short arms up in the air, hoping for Axel to take hold of me._

_"Geez, you're so hyper active. It's just snow." Axel stated in a monotone voice. Like I hoped, he took hold of my hand and pulled me up. "Be careful. I hate the snow." He frowned and my smile grew wider._

_"It's cos you like fire, right?" I held tightly onto his hand. I couldn't feel our warmth because of our thick mittens we were wearing._

_"Yeah, I do."_

_"Why?" We walked closer to my favorite park._

_"Fire is energy! Life, love, passion!" He didn't even glance at me when he said all that with an energetic voice. He seemed pumped just thinking about it. If Axel was happy, I'll be happy too. Those were my exact thoughts that day._

_"Then," I proposed. "Axel is my fire." I blushed, but the cold had hidden it. We stopped midway to the park. He took a glance at me and smiled sweetly. I swear he could've been blushing too but no one really knew._

_"You're so cute." Was his reply. "You're the reason why my flame keeps burning."_

* * *

I sat on a bench nearby, hoping to just relax. It's been several minutes, possibly hours since I've been outside. I came to realize that I really started to like the snow after that year. Snow would give people a reason to stay inside and light their fireplace. Ever since then, fires and flames always reminded me of Axel.

Axel... I think I was starting to imagine things because I swear I see Axel walking towards me.

"Axel?" I whispered. My vision was becoming blurry. I heard some mumbling and then I figured it wasn't Axel because his hair was not red. I thought it would be him since he was the one that always knew where I was.

"Hey, Roxas, right? Can you get up?" I heard the voice say. I know I heard this voice before, but I don't remember who it belonged to. I nodded, I think. My body was becoming so numb I didn't even realize the person had carried me on his back. I wonder if this person knew that I love piggybacks. Of course not. I don't even recall this guy.

"Oh my GOD. Rox! Are you okay?" I heard Sora from my left side. Hm, it's not Sora who's carrying me. Who is it? Surely it wasn't Demyx either. I decided against thinking too hard and just shut my eyes. I didn't know the cold could make you so tired.

"Hurry up, I think he has frost bites!" Sora demanded.

"I'm hurryin!"

* * *

When I opened my eyes, I saw flames. Again, my instant thought was Axel. I found myself near a fireplace and wrapped in a nice thick fleece blanket. I was also in new clothes... wait, WHAT?! I jumped up, only to be smacked back down onto the sofa. What the?

"You're still cold." The man whom I now recognized as Riku said. Sora walked by and handed him a cup of what smelled like hot chocolate.

"Oh, Rox! You're up! Thank God! You've been out for 5 hours." Sora pouted. "Ah. I'll go get you some hot choco too!" He darted back to what I assumed was the kitchen. I've never been in this house before. Is it Riku's? Oh wait, how'd he find me?

"Um," Riku looked a bit more intimidating then Axel. "Thanks for, uh, helping me." He only nodded, staring at the flickering flames. "How did you find me?" That seemed to have caught his attention somehow because he glanced at me for a moment, than turned back to look the the flames. He whispered something under his breath. "Sorry, I didn't hear you, what did you--"

"Here's your hot choco, Rox!" Sora beamed from behind the corner. "Drink it slow, okay? It's still hot!" He proclaimed and then giggled like a little girl. He sat next to Riku and scooted a bit too close to him in my opinion. It seemed like Riku didn't mind.

"Thanks Sora." I smiled meekly. I took a small sip from my hot chocolate, and it burnt my tongue a little. I coughed and decided to let it cool a lot more before I take another sip. I attempted to sleep again but I couldn't. There were so many things on my mind that I couldn't stop thinking even if I wanted to.

Someone's phone rang but I didn't dare to open my eyes.

"Oh, Axel's calling again." I heard Riku say. "Is Roxas asleep?"

"Yeah, looks like it." Sora replied. Axel?!

"Yes, Axel? Yeah, we found him at the place you said he'd be at. He's fine. Don't worry about it. Yeah, I understand." A long pause. "I'm sure you can. It's what friends are for. Uh huh. See you later. No problem. Good night." Riku hung up the phone.

"What did he say?" Sora asked.

"He's gonna come over later. Just to see him. He doesn't want Roxas to be awake at night."

"Wait, what did you tell Cloud?"

"Nothing. Axel said he took care of that."

"Okay. If you say so."

I wanted to stay up till I heard Axel, but the warmth was just too comforting. I fell fast asleep after the call Axel made to Riku. For some reason, I had the urge to just see his face again. Do I hurt you, Axel? There's just so much I wanted to know and ask you. Why are you keeping your distance from me? Do you hate me? No, you don't because you're the one that told Riku where to find me. Even when you're not here with me, you're still watching over me.

You really are my fire in the midst of winter, Axel.

* * *

**Rabu**: Ack. Cheesy. LOl. D: BUT BUT-- please understand what everyone is going through~ I LOVE OLETTE AND HAYNER (AND DEMYX). Really. Like in the games and stuff and it pains me to make them appear so mean. So I want to clarify somethings on their behalf. LOl.

Olette likes Roxas (still) but she feels he is not treating her right. She flirts with Hayner who she knows likes her too. Right now she's debating between loving the person you love who won't love you back OR loving the person who loves you back but you don't really love them like that. Hayner gets protective of Olette because she is the one he loves most. Okay? I know it still may not be right/nice but hey, it's sorta realistic, no?  
FOR DEMYX. LOL. WHY THE HECK DID HE SAY AXEL LOVES HIM?! DOESN'T HE LOVE ZEXION?!! D: - YES. He loves Zexion, but if you were him, wouldn't you want to protect your best friend from getting hurt constantly? He can't really blame Roxas either because he doesn't know how Axel really feels. Right now, he's hoping to buy Axel some time to recover.

ANYWAY, can you tell that there will be more SORIKU?!

Understand? LOL. Let's hope so. D:

**Reviews, Favs, Alerts, *Threats = LOVE**  
*Fake threats only people. LOL.


	5. Refiner's Fire part 1

**Save Me from Fading**:  
Chapter 5: Refiner's fire (part one)

Rabu: It's been a LONG, LONG time. I've fallen out of this fandom for many reasons. 1) I don't play the video games anymore *not because I don't like it but because I don't get any time on the PS2* 2) I don't read the fanfics of them anymore. :( 3) Because I don't have much spare time. 4) I like many other fandoms. xD BUT I decided to write this because so many people added this to their favorites and I didn't want to disappoint anyone. :I Thanks for all those who review too! I love you all. So I must update for all of you. It's a short chapter, but I hope you guys enjoy it. Heh, sorry for the super late update! I couldn't decide what would happen next.

* * *

Midnight came and I stood outside of Riku's house. I took a deep breath before making my final decision to see _him_. Riku opened the door as I made my way in. "Axel, how have you been?" Sora asked politely. It was obvious that I looked like a mess. I smelled like alcohol.

"Some how, I'm managing." I chuckled more to myself than to Sora. It probably made Sora more worried because he started to frown. "Seriously! Don't worry about me, kay? Just take care of Rox." Sora bobbed his head in agreement. I slowly made my way toward the jet black leather couch.

"Roxas..." I mumbled under my breath. Just seeing him made me sober in an instant. I lightly kissed his forehead and I didn't realize it before it was too late. "I'm sorry, Rox. I need you to trust me. I don't want to hurt you anymore." It started to rain, or I wish it did. Tears started to form and sting my eyes as they dripped from my chin. "I'll be back."

Just like that, I left him and everyone else behind. No matter how painful my decision was, I needed to stick to it. But I'll be back when the time is right. I'll come back when I prove myself worthy of having a brother like Roxas. Maybe. Who knows?

* * *

It's been three long and life changing years since I last saw Axel. My adopted brother and my lover. You could say that I've mature but some would claim that I'm still a child, like my dad. It seems like before Axel had disappeared from our lives, he told dad that he was in love with me. Dad freaked, but who wouldn't? I can't bring myself to blame dad.

I just turned 21 not too long ago and I became a bartender with Sora. We work at a bar called "Seventh Heaven". Sounds pretty cheap, but dad's friend owns the place so I can't really say much about it. I became a bartender for many reasons. First, Sora bugged me to be one. Second, people always gossip there. I'm hoping to hear any news about a blazing flaming haired man but nothing... until tonight.

"Hey Roxy, didja hear? There's this guy with flames for his hair! He's looking for, uh, Roxas Strife. Oh yeah, that's you. HAHA, my bad Roxy~" The regular was so drunk but I didn't care. A spark of excitement filled me for a short moment. I knew Axel would come back. This is his home! No one I knew had hair like that! It's Axel!

"It must be you-know-who~" Sora teased as he saw me attempt to hold in my joy. I nodded with a huge smile plastered across my face. "Xemnas, could you tell me a bit more?" I winked for good measure. "Pleaaasee~?"

"Actually, that's all I know--"

_**BAM.**_

The doors to Seventh Heaven was slammed opened. There stood in the doorway was a shadow, a man with flaming red hair. All eyes were fixed on the stranger and mumblings began. The red head stood tall in his black suit and smiled a familiar devilish smile. "Where's Rox?"

All the eyes came on to me now. I blinked a few times before realizing that his voice was familiar. Axel? I'm not sure. I need a better look. "Yes?" I answered questionably. Three years can really change people you know?

"Hey." His voice sounded very smooth. It always drew me in. I felt my face heating up but I wasn't sure why. The man started to walk closer to me. He was Axel. How could this NOT be Axel? His hair, his eyes... his tattoos? No, the tattoos under his eyes are wrong. It's not upside down rain drops.

"Ax... Axel?" I stuttered and by this time his face was inches from mine. The man chuckled out a musical sound. Different from Axel's, whose was harsh. His crisp green eyes stared into mine.

"Ahaha! This Rox guy even thinks I'm Axel!" He grabbed my tie and pulled me closer. My face must have been beat red. I've never been so close to such a handsome man-- besides Axel of course. "No, I'm Axel's twin brother, Reno." My mouth dropped wide open. I must have looked stupid because he started to laugh again. Sora tilted his head slightly as he continued started at this Reno guy. Axel's _twin_ brother? **No way**.

* * *

Rabu: Thank you to those who decide to review. Your extra time to put in your input means so much to me. :) Thank you to those who read all my lame chapters. I know I'm not a writer, so it really means a lot for you guys to even read my writings. LOl. Yes. Thank you to those who favorite or watch me/this story. I appreciate it. I might not update much more, but I'll try to. I mean, you guys got me to update another chapter in like... months! LOL! 3


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